Ahhhh, so up all night once again. Been writing and thinking. Been listening to one of the saddest/prettiest albums iv ever heard and loving it to death in a very sad depressing way. The album is "Adore" by the Smashing Pumpkins. Some lyrics -
"Long horses we are born
Creatures more than torn
Mourning our way home " -
"Your picture out of time
Left aching in my mind
Shadows kept alive" ...Written by Billy Corgan about his mother who had passed away. One of my great inspirations in music is sadness. It's truly harder to write a sad, sincere song than it is to write any other kind, especially composing. Keeping the song pretty enough to keep your attention but also tugging at your soul. I guess I'm heading to sleep now. Goodnight or morning or afternoon, whenever you may read this and know. There is something real out there for you. <3

Been awhile, I know. Gah, iv had this open for like an hour and iv written nothing. Come back some other time to see something interesting, PROMISE <3 .

argh, days seem to be whizzing by me faster and faster. Like I cant seem to slow them or think at all. It feels like im just counting down the days I have left here. It's fucked up but true. I can't seem to reach the fact I just won't be here someday. Maybe were all eternal beings. I can only wish and hope. Life is one big mystery that i'm completely stuck on. Maybe it's just now, how things are right now that's making me crazy. Iv been really truly happy before and it's never really been while iv been around this place. I need a place, a job, someone, someone to love, something. Spilling whats on my mind always somehow helps. night!

ever get the sense that nothing outside of your mind matters? society is so fucked up I want no part of it. I don't want to be one of the people who ruin the world.

imagine.

You drift in. you drift out. Which way is up? Which way is down? does it surround us all? I wonder if it feels the same as I do. Strange floating sensations running through my spine as I look up at it. Awe and wonder fill my mind as I begin to think. Imagination. Inner thoughts that no one else can ever see. I want to spill them. I want them to spread. Anything is possible if you set your heart on it and truly want it. Goodbye.

blarghghghghghghghghg. why do I feel like my mind changes from day to day but I still feel the same? if that makes any sense AT ALL. 3:30 and im not in bed. I should be. sugar is keeping me up but not much longer. I should clean my room up tomorrow. it would be nice to have a clean room once a year I guess. im off to bed because i really cant think of anything else to say. night!!!!!!!!!! oh! i guess i could account my mind phasing on smoking a shit ton of weed at a party last night. it tends to screw me up when i comedown from it which is really why i dont smoke it everyday. but OH WELL. GOODNIGHT!

I have so much to say sometimes. I need to start writing songs. If anything it's a way to get my voice out. Being un-heard in the world is a shame.